all it took was one photograph. and imagine if i had been the one to capture it. i would not have kept such a perfect composure around you. i would have barely been able to focus a camera, no less myself on the task at hand.
i once sent you a message. i told you how beautiful you were and all i did was tell you that. the response back (nothing) killed me. for some reason, it did. and i stopped there.
i fell in love with you shortly thereafter, but did not realize it until one busy night a few months ago. the music was beautiful and that's why we were there. not together, but together like everyone else. but i like to say that it was something more unique. this was being said to me through your eyes.
i moved my way up to you amongst the others. i told you things and you told me things back, but your voice was much sweeter, naturally. i will never forget your smile. and i will never forget your boots. and how they remind me of someone else, but i don't even fucking care. i was just so happy.
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it was a late night at work. a really late night, as most others would think. coming home around 2:15 am to find people still at my house. i minded this of course, until i laid my tired eyes on you. the time was a little past halloween, but not december.
we first spoke about eckhart tolle. that's because his book was in my hand. you scoffed at me as if i were just hitting the surface. i felt that pretty hard. it was playful though. ( i think)
we all ended up in my room. one a stranger who i knew very well, a friend of his, and a few others. musical projects discussed (and played), and the like but before any of this, you and i spoke. we spoke of spirit and of the love of wisdom. and of the mind and of the study of the mind. of energy and of life. you ran downstairs to get something spectacular.
and that it was. a binder filled with information that made me want to never let you go. because anyone with the slightest bit of information on anything like this makes me love them, and you had a fucking binder filled with personal research. you knew more than me. you could teach me.
and you left. and i didn't see you for a long time. and i tried. and i tried. and i spoke. and i heard your name called back to me through others. but it was never where i looked.
but when i said goodbye, you accidentally said hello in the most random but expected once found out, kind of places. you still look the same. i like that.
i am surprised to hear that i am spoken about amongst people i barely know. it is a strange feeling and it makes me wish i didn't have the feeling of wanting to know what they really spoke about. but just know that i think of even the ones i have met once. i really do love you all.
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i never thought it would be so easy to fall in love through emails. i mean, fuck, are you kidding me? take a look.
here i am, sitting and looking busy but really waiting for a reply to a question that i don't even want to ask. what i really want to know is how the fuck did this happen to me? and so fast? i remember the first time i saw you. your walk meant business, and i had never been attracted to that. i loved this appeal you carry. but it's something that dissapears outside of the office. you become who you really are. you play "name a name from every letter of the alphabet" while lying on your carpet instead of a couch because you were wrongly robbed of furniture and things to do and of a dog that used to be the only thing that kept you going. you like structure. a lot. you like catholicism for this reason, and that is understandable, because it's whole thing is structure. i then pointed out to you that maybe, you had a fear of the unknown. a fear of the future; the seemingly unstructured. you shook your head in acknowledgement before you even knew i was right. you didn't want to take it, but it was yours to own, and you signed.
i showed you lights. i finally showed you the lights. i finally saw you. you are innocent in a means of knowledge outside of cnn and the looks of a favorite bar, if you were still going to them. i asked when you would be finished and you said no. i said is this now home, and you said yes. i found out about your family. i love it all. i found out about him. i love that too.
in a weird under my breath but meant to be heard and then used to instigate the discussion i really want to hear voice came "Plastic Surgery" as i read it off a lit up marquee we passed on the way back to your apartment. you told me your opinion. i smiled and said i know. then you remembered that you had given me access to your whole life before you ever really knew who i was. you gave me the password to your private life and i didn't need permission after that. i read who you are and where you have come from and what you used to be. i don't think you can see integrally as well as i do, but i can't wait for you to. you said you had trouble seeing the future. i know you do. because you're afraid it won't be what it is right now.
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i see you everywhere i go. and of course, i used to hate this, but now, i cherish it. i use this as a guide. thank you.
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you are too much the same as myself. we had a conversation not too long ago in which i just repeated the same "I know" over and over like a boy trying to get off the phone with his grandmother. you told me everything that i am. some even surprised me. more because you were speaking about yourself and how you are.
then you showed me a dialouge. i fell into that. i told a friend. he told me of a dream. you were in that dream and compared to another, current at that time, you ringed with harmony with me. with perfect harmony. i couldn't believe it, but i could and i did.
i had also dreamed about you once before. it was all too strange to bring back to now, but it was a beach, shells, a sexual connotation, a football, cell phones, and a question of "so, are you going to do something?" and wake up.
i have heard a lot about your fake spirituality. but i beg to differ after speaking to you. i know what he sees and how he sees it. i know him. i see it from another angle. i like this angle, so don't move.
you moved. see you soon.
